Update on Jesse, Age 13
Most everything is the same as before
except for two things, he is becoming more
mature-acting, willing to help out around
the house etc. if we prepare him, ask
calmly, and ask way ahead of time and let
him do it on his own schedule or after he's
finished doing something. The second
thing isn't very good. We'll call it “rages”,
as in rages of anger. They started showing
up when he was around 12 and have
continued until the present. I was
perplexed, and called another FHS mother
who had a son 2-3 years older than Jesse.
She informed me that her son had indeed
had these right around the onset of
puberty also, and that basically the same
things happened. Here's what they are:
1. Something will set them off and get
them VERY upset. This is something
unexpected and unusual -- something
drastic like a rush to the hospital or
something sudden like if
a neighbor knocks at the door and
angrily accuses the child's mother
that the family cat was eating her
birds.
2. The rush of adrenaline, or whatever
hormones are affected here will
then put the FHS child into an angry
rage, screaming and yelling at the
person they are angry or upset at,
they can hit the person, grab at
their clothes, and basically become
uncontrollable. (They are small but
very muscular and strong.) One
child even tried to drive the family
car and wrecked it.
3. The parents try to handle the
child's uncontrollable anger. This
isn't done easily. The child usually is
on a “power trip” and is really
enjoying having an effect on
everyone and seemingly getting
their way. Talking and reasoning
doesn't seem to do any good as the
resulting comments don't make any
sense (“Well, he is an idiot. He is an
idiot. He is an id-i-ot!!” ) Either
remove the situation (don't go
where you need to, get rid of the
neighbor or person on the phone the
child is upset with) and wait until
they calm down. This usually takes
awhile and while the child is still
upset they will yell, unplug the
phone, try to drive the car etc.
We have had to “tackle” him at
times and calmly hold him and talk to
him for 20-30 minutes until he is
settled down.
4. The child will feel extremely
remorseful, ask forgiveness, say
that they feel like a terrible person
etc. They may get extremely
depressed over this. We talk
through it, forgive, suggest better
ways to handle it next time etc.
These things can be frightening. The
great level of their anger, the physical
actions, and the aggressiveness aimed at a
parent who sometimes has no control or
had anything to do with the situation is
scary. Fortunately, they don't happen very
often. Only when something extremely
rare or unusual happens that “pushes their
buttons”, whatever that may be for each
individual child.
I was surprised as to how similar the
series of events was for both of the boys.
The same pattern was followed just about
every time for both of them.
So far I haven't heard of any girls
having this problem. Has anyone else had
anything like this happen? Does anyone
have ideas on how to handle this? This is
why this support group exists, so that we
can share what is happening, could happen,
and for those who have been there already
to guide the others through these “FHS
moments”. Please share if you have
experienced this or have any insight.
